you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
