You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
