Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
