My hand turned me down
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Panties = found
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
