I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
