porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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