I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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