Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he fucked my hip out of place.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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