remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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