I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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