Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
