Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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