i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
