This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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