I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
