I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
