3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
