I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
