I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
