Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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