I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
