some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
