dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
