After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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