I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
