Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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