i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
