I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
