They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
