I will die if light touches me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Randomize
