I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
