My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
