you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
