i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
