I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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