just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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