I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
