He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
