You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
