just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
