i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
