Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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