I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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