We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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