I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
