literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like iHOP with fire
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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