I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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