The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think a kid would responsible me up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
