Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
