none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
