Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Drake has all the answers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
