Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
