i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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